Love is Love But…

Pride Month has just finished in the US but London Pride was this past weekned and Cornwall Pride doesn’t happen until August! Because of this, all things LGBTQA+ have been all over social media which is great to see, at least in my little bubble, because it’s almost exclusively been positive. However there’s one thing that bothers me, and it’s been bothering me for a while now, the hashtag #loveislove.

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Now before you jump down my throat please hear me out. Of course I agree love is love! The love between me and my girlfriend is just as valid as any other love regardless of sexuality. Our love is beautiful and special and fun and I wouldn’t change it for the world. My problem with this popular hashtag is the focus on love. Love is all very well and good but what about when we aren’t in love? Do you respect us then?

Queer people deserve respect whether they are in a relationship or not. We shouldn’t have to fit into a cute little coupley box to be seen as humans. Our identity should be respected whether we are in relationships or single, happily or unhappily. When we are going through a messy break up or just having fun hooking up. When were are in open relationships or just not into relationships at all. Love is love but you should respect us regardless of our relationship status.

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Oh and there is of course the issue that the hashtag kinda ignores gender identity completely by focusing on sexuality. This is of course problematic as trans and nonbinary peeps are a huge part of pride and deserve to feel included. It’s not really fair that the most prominent pride related hashtags focus on sexuality and relationships- eg: #loveislove, #lovewins and #loveishere.

I’m not asking for a boycott of this hashtag and other similar ones, rather some thoughtful consideration when using them. Why are you using it? Could something more inclusive and less love focused be used in it’s place?

I hope this blog post has made you think a little. Sending so much love to my fellow queer siblings, you are so strong and wonderful.

This blog post is an extension of a Facebook status I wrote on the day of London Pride, you can read the original post here

Toodles!

4am

Just a little something I wrote in the early hours of a morning.

 

Some of the best things happen at 4am. Watching beautiful sunrises. Sometimes hanging out of attic windows in the nude. Sometimes down by the river with your friends on a cold New Year’s day. Sometimes with your girlfriend, hand in hand gazing over the docks. You might snuggle up in a dank spare room, happy to finally be alone as the buzz wears off. Maybe you are curling up sweaty and happy after a tinder hook up. Or perhaps drifting off peacefully in the arms of a girl you’ve been crushing on for months. Occasionally it’s on a river bank with friends as a summer storm rages on outside or in a noisy festival field, trying to ignore the smell of warm cider in the air. More often it’s on a random sofa after a long and blurry night, you might be resting your head on a stranger’s leg and using a smokey hoodie as a blanket but you’re comfortable and that’s all that matters. You could even be in a hotel room, sleepy after a wedding, relieved to be free from your heels. But most of the time you just got distracted, lost track of time. Well that’s what you tell yourself. Really you know that 4am is a magical time and you’d hate to miss it with sleep.

Toodles

A Salty Kiss

So hey, I got published a little while back which is pretty damn cool. A local publishers (Sea Post Press) run by some students from the English department at my uni decided to put together an anthology of third year work. We were all invited to submit work and I submitted several poems but really didn’t expect anything to come out of it.

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I was so surprised when I flicked open my copy of the finished book and saw my name on the content page! They chose to publish my poem “The Bible Woman”. I wrote this poem back in late 2016 for my writing for a digital age module. It was created by searching the word “woman” in an online copy of the bible and the putting a a list poem together based off of the search results.

I see it as both being a critical look at how women are presented in the bible as well as commentary on how no matter how women act they are always demonised in one way or another. You might take something totally different away from it and that is welcomed. So here is my poem that featured in the third year anthology; A Salty Kiss. 

The Bible Woman

Thou art a virtuous woman.
strange woman
rebellious woman
wise woman
beautiful woman
cursed woman
wicked woman
barren woman
evil woman
whorish woman
foolish woman
gracious woman
fair woman
brawling woman
angry woman
contentious woman
adulterous woman
odious woman
travailing woman
delicate woman
menstruous woman
removed woman
unmarried woman
free woman
what women
certain woman
this woman
every woman
all the woman

So yeah, my first ever published poem. I’m pretty damn proud of myself. I really hope now I’m done with uni I still manage to continue writing poetry and lyrics. I’m going to try, I need to keep  my creative juices flowing.

Toodles.

 

Adventure Is Out There!

I’m back!!! I know, I know; it’s been a bloody long time but I swear I’m back now and a hell of a lot has changed and loads more is on the horizon.

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So what has changed since we last spoke? Well for starters I’ve got a degree now! Well I haven’t actually had my gradation ceremony yet but I got my final grades back. I got a 2:2, ending up with 58% overall. Considering how crappy my mental health has been over these past few years I am amazed I made it through. So woo go me, I’m a Creative Writing graduate from Falmouth University.

While we are on the subject of university I also had a very busy February; I ran in the student union elections. I ran for the position of Community and Welfare President. Although I didn’t win (I came 3rd out of 7), I had the most amazing week. I met so many people and my confidence sky rocketed! It was such a hectic and busy week but I’m so glad I did it, the experience I gained from standing is something I am so grateful for. I also got to spend a lot of time with some of my best friends who helped out on my campaign team, so that’s a bonus. And any job interview I ever go to in the future will be a doddle compared to trying to win over thousands of students!

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Another thing; I’m polyamorous, woo! If you don’t know what polyamory is then here’s a little run down; basically polyamory is the practice of loving/having relationships with more than one person. There are so many different relationship structures that fit into polyamory and every polyamorous relationship is different, so I can only really speak from my experience. I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend who are both dating me, but not dating each other, although they are very good friends. Both relationships are very different and I am so happy with how everything is going. The relationships are also both pretty open meaning we can all have sexual/romantic relationships and experiences outside of the relationship. Communication is key when it comes to polyamory. You need to keep a constant, healthy dialogue going to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy.

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Smaller change but I also shaved half my hair off. It just felt like time for a change, something bold. On Halloween I was out with some friends and I was talking about wanting to change my hair up and one of my friends suggested a Natalie Dormer style situation and boom, a few days later I marched into the hairdressers and got it done. I freaking love my hair like this. I was so worried I was going to regret it but I haven’t so far and it’s been over half a year.

I feel like this hair cut was what triggered all this change in my life. I know that sounds kinda silly but hear me out. This hair cut was such a bold move, something no one saw coming. It gave me some freedom from what was expected of me meaning I could do some soul searching and figure out who I truly was and what I wanted. It made me look at my life and see what changes needed to be made. Since getting this hair cut I have been taking less bullshit and instead living my life how I want.

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So what’s next? For now I’m mainly looking for a job and figuring what my living situation is going to be when my house contract ends in a month. I don’t really have a big grand plan. I thought I would have it all figured out by now, but I really fucking don’t! I’m applying for jobs that look interesting and pay well. After I leave my student house I’m gonna be doing some couch surfing between friends and family. It’s kinda scary not having a plan but I’m choosing to see it as an adventure and I’m sure some great writing inspiration will come from it. I’m feeling very much like the lost 20-something year old I am but it’s pretty exciting. For the first time in my life I don’t know where I’m heading next, I could do anything. It’s a strange mix of fear and wonder.

However now I’m done with uni I have so much free time to write on here. I have so many things I want to write about; bullet journaling, polyamory, surviving uni for example. I also want to document my time as a post-grad, figuring out my place in the world. I know a lot of people write about that but hey, everyone’s story is different. I also still have a bunch of work from my time at uni that I really want to share with you so look out for that.

I know this isn’t the first time I’ve abandoned this blog then come back with a big post but please stick with me! I promise there is much more coming up. I have so much I want to say and hopefully some people out there want to listen to me. I’m going to try to update the blog at least once a week but maybe more.

Thank you for reading this pretty self indulgent post and I hope you are having a fabulous day!

Toodles.

Fuck Flattering

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Hi, my names Emma and I really don’t give a fuck anymore about anyone’s opinions on my body or the way I dress. I spent years of my life lusting over sexy body-con dresses, sultry pencil skirts and summer crop tops. I sometimes tried them on but took one look in the mirror and ripped them straight back off again (carefully of course, I mean I’m not into destroying shop property). Even though I really liked the clothes and often loved how they made me feel I looked in the mirror and all I could see was my lumps and bumps. Those lumps and bumps that I had been told consistently though my life to hide away by the media. Being curvy was fine, as long as you knew how to dress your body aka as long as you knew how to cover up the parts of you that were offensive to western beauty ideals. But then this dress came along…

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I was out shopping for new clothes to take with my to Download festival and I came across this dress in NewLook. There was pretty much nothing else I liked in the shop so I decided to take a chance and try it on. I was anxious- bodycon and stripes! Two of the things curvy girls are told to avoid like the plague. But I tried it on and I liked it. Actually I loved it. It was super comfy, I knew it wouldn’t fly up on the wind and most importantly I loved how my body looked in it. I stepped out into the corridor of the changing room so I could get a better look in the bigger mirror. For some unknown reason I asked another woman who just so happened to be in the changing room at the time what she thought of the dress and then came the dreaded words “I do like it but I honestly don’t think it’s very flattering on you”. I know the lady didn’t mean any harm and I did ask for her opinion but it still stung. Luckily I acted against what she said and went for it, I brought the goddamn dress and wore it to Download and felt bloody amazing.

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And so my love affair with clingy clothes and my lumpy body began. I wear what I want when I want. I’m done with asking other peoples opinions. If I like it then that’s all that matters. Fuck flattering, fuck size appropriate, fuck too revealing, fuck too short, fuck too busy. And I never ever bother with shape wear. If you want to wear it then cool, you do you, but I am so fed up of this idea that we need to smooth out our lumps and bumps to be entitled to wear form fitting clothes. I’m done hiding my shape and I’m done caring what flatters it. As long as I’m comfortable and happy then that’s what matters. Who’s with me?!

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Toodles!

On Anxiety

So apparently it is mental health awareness day today, or so Facebook tells me. As you all know I suffer from anxiety and depression and it still sucks major ass. Lately I’ve kinda got a bit more of a grip on life thanks to a mixture of support, better organisation, medication and just life situations being a bit better. But I still struggle and in a way it’s even harder to deal with when it hits because when you’re feeling shit everyday it becomes routine but when you have been doing well and it just (often) comes out of nowhere it’s got that extra shock value. You feel like giving up. You feel like all that hard work was for nothing because the crap never goes away. But anyway, I digress. I’m writing this post because I feel like there are some things I would like to explain about my anxiety because I know they might not be obvious to other people. This is probably going to be pretty badly written and kinda rambley but I felt like I needed to get this out. I’m pretty sure that this post in incredibly cliche and a million people on the internet have already said the same things but damn it, it’s important to me so I’m gonna write about it!

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  • Trust me- I know it’s annoying when I cancel on you. It annoys me too and I hate having to cancel on people and it often makes my anxiety worse for a while, sometimes even sending me into a panic attack. When I cancel on people I often feel like they then hate me. I worry that you think I’m just making excuses when I say I’m having a bad mental health day. But sometimes I literally can’t leave my house, my room or even my bed. I would love to be out having fun with you but I sometimes can’t. Which leads me on to my next point…
  • Please don’t exclude me from plans. I know it’s frustrating when I cancel on you a lot but even if you think I’m not going to come please still invite me to events. That inclusion helps ease the fears that people don’t like hanging out with me and are mad at me for cancelling on them. It’s nice to feel like someone is thinking about you.
  • I can’t just “not worry” about it. Worrying is what I do. Even the smallest little worry can easily blow up into a massive worry. Telling me not to worry about something often adds to the worry and sends me spiralling into an introspective state where I start worrying about my inability to stop worrying about the thing I was originally worrying about.
  • I’m sorry I say Sorry a lot. Another thing that my anxiety causes me to do that I know is annoying and I wish I could stop. If I do something that I think is wrong or has upset you I will worry about it for ages, even if it’s a tiny thing and I will say sorry way more that you think is necessary. There’s a good chance I will message you later in the day to say sorry again. I know it’s annoying, sorry!
  • Yep- I am a confident person with anxiety. I’m pretty sure most people who know me would describe me as confident, outgoing even. I mean I’m fairly loud both literally and in how I present myself physically. But surprisingly confidence and anxiety can coexist in a person. I know, it’s confusing for me too. It’s a super frustrating experience for me. When I’m in a bad patch of anxiety, especially if it’s to do with some sort of social event, I often get very self critical, thinking back over all the parties I’ve attended recently or speeches I’ve given or new friends I’ve made. And it’s super frustrating- it’s like there’s two of me- the confident me and the anxious me. The fight and it sucks and I can’t really explain it but it’s so shitty to have to live with!

And breathe. That was pretty intense to write and I’m sorry if it makes absolutely no sense. There are so many more points I could raise but I’m gonna stop now because ironically writing this is making me very anxious. Just remember- you can never tell what a person is going through. Be compassionate.

Toodles.

Time To Get Moving

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Well hello there! Nice to see you again. I am now a 22 year old, third year creative writing student and I think it’s about time I got more of my writing online. I’m still going to be writing new content but I thought it would be fun to share more of the work I have created since being at uni. I would love feedback so as always feel free to comment and let me know what you think.

First I’m going to share a song I wrote with you. I wrote this for my lyric writing module last year, but the ideas had been stewing in my mind for a while. I really want to actually write some music for this track and record it at some point (with the help of Oli of course because I have very little musical talent). All of my lyrics are pretty personal and this one is no different but like all art it is very much elaborated and embellished unlike reality. Enjoy!

 

Failed Love Songs (for failed people)

We both fell fast and we both fell hard
like some Shakespeare shit taken to heart.
I ate Chinese at yours, you slept over at mine
it wasn’t all that romantic, never had the time.
I guess we wrote notes and texted into the night
just for a moment we went together just right.
Didn’t question tomorrow, didn’t cherish today
we just went with the flow, come what may.

It never really got started
We never really took off
Sure we made mix tapes
and maybe danced in the rain
We went to the movies
and had silly nicknames.

But it never really started,
we never really took off
You didn’t bring me home,
didn’t sing from the rooftops.
And this ain’t a love song,
another failed love song.

We went to cult movies, laughed in the dark
we marched through the streets making our mark.
I thought it was love, you thought it was fun
we never spoke about it, just decided to run.
I traced your freckles and played with your hair,
We tumbled to your bed without a care.
We woke up and I knew things were strange,
When you looked at me your eyes had changed.

It never really got started
We never really took off
Sure we made mix tapes
and maybe danced in the rain
We went to the movies
and had silly nicknames.

But it never really started,
we never really took off
You didn’t bring me home,
didn’t sing from the rooftops.
And this ain’t a love song,
another failed love song.

Would it have worked?
Could we have cared?
Would we have lasted?
Let’s not wonder, let’s not worry
maybe it’s better that…

It never really got started
We never really took off
Sure we made mix tapes
and maybe danced in the rain
We went to the movies
and had silly nicknames.

But it never really started,
we never really took off
You didn’t bring me home,
didn’t sing from the rooftops.
And this ain’t a love song,
another failed love song.

 

So there you go, the first song I am sharing on this blog. I hope you enjoyed it or at least found it kinda interesting. Feel free to leave feedback and let me know if you would like to hear this as a final recorded song one day.

Toodles.

 

Rad In August

Holy fuck it’s September already! Having said that I feel like August lasted forever which has got to be a good thing cause I had a lot of fun this past month. I liked it so much that I’m gonna bring back my monthly favourite list! This is gonna be things I’ve been loving including shows, music, articles, random crap, just anything really. Hell let’s just be honest here, I’m totally making this up as I go along. Sorry if this post doesn’t read amazingly, I’m having a 90’s dance party while writing and my mind tends to wander when I listen to music.

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Bullet Journaling

Bullet journaling has been something I’ve been aware of for a while now but for some reason in August I decided to take the plunge and start my own. I started with the basic model ideas from the Bullet Journal site then got creative from there. It’s really helped me organise my life and goals. Because it’s all in a plain notebook and you organise it as you go it means it’s super flexible allowing for anything to be added. I might write a whole post about my experiences with bullet journaling in a few months when I’ve had a bit more time to refine my personal style.

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Typography Apps

My two favourites are Font Candy and Typorama. Both are free to download and use but you can pay a few quid to get access to more fonts and other fun things. It’s just such a fun way to spruce up your instagram photos. The 4 above examples are all my own photos edited in the app to create awesome images.

This strawberry baked oatmeal recipe.

I made it once and it was so yummy and filling. I think it will be great for when I go back to uni. I can make some up on Sunday night then just grab a slice before a leave for the bus throughout the week.

Youtube

I have been so in love with 3 youtubers in the month of August. Deligracy  is an awesome Sim’s gamer who mostly posts house builds and lets plays of The Sims 4. I just finished binge watching her 6o part “Twins” let’s play. So much drama and story development! I got so invested in the characters and the storyline, that girl has talent! Annie Elainey  is so open and honest and I just love watching her videos. She vlogs about her life, chronic illness, social justice, movies, hair and much much more. Annie has also inspired me to start adding captions to all my videos to make them more accessible. Stef Sanjati is a Toronto based makeup artist who has bags and bags of personality and style. She posts makeup tutorials and challenges along with regular Q&As and updates on her personal experiences transitioning. Stef has such an infectious personality and her smile just makes me melt!

Music

This 90s Party Playist is my jam right now. I am raving to it right now and keep getting distracted by the tunes. This feel good playlist my Mum put together. Clearly this playlist shows where I get my fabulous music taste from. This playlist is the perfect mix of modern hits and classics creating a perfect happy summer vibe. I am also really digging the Suicide Squad soundtrack album, so many great songs in a neat package. If I have this playing through my headphones while I walk somewhere I instantly feel like a total badass and start subconsciously strutting my stuff.

This interview with Laverne Cox about the Rocky Horror remake

As a die-hard fan of the original I was somewhat sceptical about the modern remake but this has put all my fears to rest and I now can’t wait to watch it!

Yaaaasss! Destroying the mentality of being “not like other girls”

This post just gives me life. Being a girl isn’t a competition. We need to stand by our sisters and support each other.

And finally these two totally unrelated videos that just make me smile so much

 

 

And that’s that! I hope you all enjoy my recommendations, let me know in the comments.

Toodles!

The Glitterati 2 Year Anniversary Unboxing!

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I have spoken about the Glitterati multiple times on this blog so hopefully you will know all about it by now. If not here’s a quick explanation- the Glitterati is a monthly subscription box in which you get at least £50 worth of awesome hair accessories. You also get access to an exclusive and super fun facebook page where you can chat and hang out with the other glitterati gals as well as a special gift on your birthday. So yeah, basically it’s fucking rad as balls! To find out more click here,and if you do decide to sign up quote my name (Emma Robinson) when signing up and we will each get a voucher to spend on the Crown and Glory site!

Anyway, August 2016 marks the 2 year anniversary of the Glitterati! 2 years of amazing glitter filled fun! I have been a member since September 2014 so nearly the whole time. I’ve had so much fun receiving my box each month and planning how I’m going to wear all the fabulous pieces. The facebook group has really been the cherry on top of the mega pie that is the Glitterati. So many amazing women all in one place sharing selfies, achievements, plans, worries, pet photos, the list goes on. It has become so much more than just a subscription box. I have had the pleasure of going to five different Glitterati meet ups now. Each one has been so much fun! I’ve made so many friends and taken so many selfies. Seriously, this group has been life changing and given me so much confidence so thank you so much to Sophie and Gareth for bring us all together and of course to the amazing souls who make the Glitterati what it is- a family.

On to the unboxing! I’m really getting into filming videos for youtube lately so I decided to film an unboxing video. I had so much fun filming it… not so much fun cleaning up… you will see what I mean if you watch the video below!

Happy Birthday to the Glitterati! Here’s to another year of awesomeness.

If you enjoyed the video please subscribe to my youtube channel to see what I get up to next. Feel free to comment on this post or on the video to let me know what you think.

Toodles.

So I Vlog Now! Adventures in Cardiff

I have had a Youtube channel for a while now. I made a few videos a year or so ago but kinda didn’t really follow through with doing anymore, although I do frequently make guest appearances on my sisters channel. But vlogging has always appealed to me. I love documenting what I get up to and I’m not easily embarrassed so filming in public is not a thing that scares me. So when me and Sarah went to Cardiff on a mini break last week I though fuck it, lets give this a go!

As I said, this is my very first time vlogging so I did forget to film a lot and have some pretty chin-heavy angles. But all in all I’m pretty proud of myself. Even after editing the footage down I still had enough to make two decent length videos. So I hope you enjoy! If you do feel free to pop over to my channel and subscribe, although I will always cross post my videos here as well so you won’t miss out either way.

 

And for a bonus here’s my wee haul video that I made when I got home. It includes all the goodies I brought minus some cute denim shorts that I forgot to add in and the food I got at Simply V because I ate it all, ooops! I’ve been on a roll lately.

So yeah, let me know what you think in the comments.

Stay rad!

Toodles.