4am

Just a little something I wrote in the early hours of a morning.

 

Some of the best things happen at 4am. Watching beautiful sunrises. Sometimes hanging out of attic windows in the nude. Sometimes down by the river with your friends on a cold New Year’s day. Sometimes with your girlfriend, hand in hand gazing over the docks. You might snuggle up in a dank spare room, happy to finally be alone as the buzz wears off. Maybe you are curling up sweaty and happy after a tinder hook up. Or perhaps drifting off peacefully in the arms of a girl you’ve been crushing on for months. Occasionally it’s on a river bank with friends as a summer storm rages on outside or in a noisy festival field, trying to ignore the smell of warm cider in the air. More often it’s on a random sofa after a long and blurry night, you might be resting your head on a stranger’s leg and using a smokey hoodie as a blanket but you’re comfortable and that’s all that matters. You could even be in a hotel room, sleepy after a wedding, relieved to be free from your heels. But most of the time you just got distracted, lost track of time. Well that’s what you tell yourself. Really you know that 4am is a magical time and you’d hate to miss it with sleep.

Toodles

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Adventure Is Out There!

I’m back!!! I know, I know; it’s been a bloody long time but I swear I’m back now and a hell of a lot has changed and loads more is on the horizon.

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So what has changed since we last spoke? Well for starters I’ve got a degree now! Well I haven’t actually had my gradation ceremony yet but I got my final grades back. I got a 2:2, ending up with 58% overall. Considering how crappy my mental health has been over these past few years I am amazed I made it through. So woo go me, I’m a Creative Writing graduate from Falmouth University.

While we are on the subject of university I also had a very busy February; I ran in the student union elections. I ran for the position of Community and Welfare President. Although I didn’t win (I came 3rd out of 7), I had the most amazing week. I met so many people and my confidence sky rocketed! It was such a hectic and busy week but I’m so glad I did it, the experience I gained from standing is something I am so grateful for. I also got to spend a lot of time with some of my best friends who helped out on my campaign team, so that’s a bonus. And any job interview I ever go to in the future will be a doddle compared to trying to win over thousands of students!

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Another thing; I’m polyamorous, woo! If you don’t know what polyamory is then here’s a little run down; basically polyamory is the practice of loving/having relationships with more than one person. There are so many different relationship structures that fit into polyamory and every polyamorous relationship is different, so I can only really speak from my experience. I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend who are both dating me, but not dating each other, although they are very good friends. Both relationships are very different and I am so happy with how everything is going. The relationships are also both pretty open meaning we can all have sexual/romantic relationships and experiences outside of the relationship. Communication is key when it comes to polyamory. You need to keep a constant, healthy dialogue going to make sure everyone is comfortable and happy.

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Smaller change but I also shaved half my hair off. It just felt like time for a change, something bold. On Halloween I was out with some friends and I was talking about wanting to change my hair up and one of my friends suggested a Natalie Dormer style situation and boom, a few days later I marched into the hairdressers and got it done. I freaking love my hair like this. I was so worried I was going to regret it but I haven’t so far and it’s been over half a year.

I feel like this hair cut was what triggered all this change in my life. I know that sounds kinda silly but hear me out. This hair cut was such a bold move, something no one saw coming. It gave me some freedom from what was expected of me meaning I could do some soul searching and figure out who I truly was and what I wanted. It made me look at my life and see what changes needed to be made. Since getting this hair cut I have been taking less bullshit and instead living my life how I want.

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So what’s next? For now I’m mainly looking for a job and figuring what my living situation is going to be when my house contract ends in a month. I don’t really have a big grand plan. I thought I would have it all figured out by now, but I really fucking don’t! I’m applying for jobs that look interesting and pay well. After I leave my student house I’m gonna be doing some couch surfing between friends and family. It’s kinda scary not having a plan but I’m choosing to see it as an adventure and I’m sure some great writing inspiration will come from it. I’m feeling very much like the lost 20-something year old I am but it’s pretty exciting. For the first time in my life I don’t know where I’m heading next, I could do anything. It’s a strange mix of fear and wonder.

However now I’m done with uni I have so much free time to write on here. I have so many things I want to write about; bullet journaling, polyamory, surviving uni for example. I also want to document my time as a post-grad, figuring out my place in the world. I know a lot of people write about that but hey, everyone’s story is different. I also still have a bunch of work from my time at uni that I really want to share with you so look out for that.

I know this isn’t the first time I’ve abandoned this blog then come back with a big post but please stick with me! I promise there is much more coming up. I have so much I want to say and hopefully some people out there want to listen to me. I’m going to try to update the blog at least once a week but maybe more.

Thank you for reading this pretty self indulgent post and I hope you are having a fabulous day!

Toodles.

Time To Get My Shit Together

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Time for yet more honesty and opening up from this chick. Things are still pretty tough right now. I’m still struggling with uni, social situations are still tricky and there are still days where I can’t even get out of bed. But I can see improvements. I’m only having to apply for an extended deadline for one essay. I just got a first on a presentation in class. I’ve been out with friends a lot more. I just went away for the weekend to Bristol for a meetup. I am trying and it is working. I’m an impatient person and I wanted things to be better just like that but the realist in me knows that’s not how things work. There’s no magic wand that can fix my mental health. But there is medication, therapy, friends, family, eating well, positive thoughts and actions. I might never be free of this but a mixture of those things sure will help.

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It’s coming up to summer break now and I want to work on making more positive life changes so that third year will be the best yet. I’m a typical Virgo so I love making lists so here’s a list of things I want to do over the summer that I think will vastly improve my state of mind:

❤ Read at least 3 books– I have been having massive problems with concentration lately and I used to be such a book worm so I think working on getting back into reading will really help this.

❤ Have the house tidy AF– My part of the house is embarrassingly messy. I put this down to my depression and my general messy habits. But enough is enough. I am fed up of this and I am going to make this place organised and spotless!

❤ Sort out my clothes– My style has taken a bit of a U-turn lately and I have brought a lot of clothes to go with that… most of which are living in a suitcase cause my wardrobe is full. I need to let go of things that don’t fit and things that don’t make me feel fabulous as hell.

❤ Get back into blogging– Hey I’m making a good start on this already! I’m not going to set myself any massive goals but if I’m blogging at least once a week I will be happy. I have a whole list of things I want to write about so hopefully that will keep me going.

❤ Sort out my sleeping pattern– because going to bed at 3am every night really fucks with my head.

❤ Practice my spirituality more– I have a new, beautiful pack of oracle cards I brought over a month ago that I still haven’t touched. I need to get back in touch with the earth and my soul.

❤ Stop biting my nails– I did achieve this goal for a while, then things got stressful again. I want to get to a point where my nails are so nice I wouldn’t even dream of ruining them.

 

So there we go. This summer I’m gonna get my shit together. I’m not saying I’m going to be all better and hunky dory but I am determined to get myself in a better head space than the one I’m in now.

Thank you for bearing with me!

Toodles!

 

Things I Love Thursday

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❤ Lush bath bombs

❤ Sunshine finally starting in England again

❤ Salads full of yummy colourful things

❤ The perfect oversized denim jacket I found in a charity shop

❤ My growing pin collection on my denim jacket

❤ Good post days

❤ Actually starting to feel better finally

❤ The Life Is Strange soundtrack

❤ Basil tofu

❤ Black salt

❤ Oli just being a general babe and looking after me

❤ Train journeys

❤ Soy chai lattes

Toodles!

The Importance of Adventure

Adventure? What’s the first thing that pops into your head? I always used to hear the word “adventure” and think of grand explorations to foreign lands, trekking up mountains or discovering ancient cities. Lately I’ve come to realise that adventuring doesn’t have to be so grand, it’s simply stepping outside of your comfort zone.

On Monday I decided to go for a walk and for some unknown reason I decided it would be a great idea to climb all the way across the rocks from one beach to another, alone and in a maxi dress. It was a bit tricky and I did have a few “what the fuck am I doing?” moments but it was a lot of fun. Today I went to the gym on my own for the first time and then later for tea I brought a curry sauce I had never tried before. These are all adventures. Yes, some of them may be bigger than others but they were all things that took me out of my comfort zone and added some extra fun to my day.

I think we all need a little bit more adventure in our lives to help keep things fresh and exciting. I’ve come up with a few little ways you can add adventure to your life and mix things up a little bit.

1- Try a new food or recipe

You know that crazy cake you saw on the Great British Bake off one year and thought you could do a better job? Yep, well now is the time to do just that! Whip out your whisk and get going. You could always try something totally new like a vegan dish or something from a different culture. The internet is full of amazing and simple recipes or you could dust off some old cookery books and take your inspiration from there. There are literally billions of recipes in this world so have fun with it and don’t worry too much about messing up, that’s all part of the fun.

2- Take a different route to work/school/the shops

This one can be as drastic of as simple as you want. You could schedule in some extra time and go completely out of your way, enjoying the walk and soaking in the new environment. On the other hand you could just take a slightly different road that may take a tiny bit longer or even work out quicker, only time will tell. Google maps is your friend here if you are scared of getting lost.

3- Wear something from the back of your wardrobe

We all have those few items that we keep holding onto because we loved them once and just can’t bear to part with them. Maybe take them out of hibernation and give them a wear, you might just fall back in love with them, or maybe you will feel super uncomfortable and decide to finally get rid of it. Either way something good has happened and you can make another adventure out of this by doing a full wardrobe clear out and going to a charity shop to donate the things you don’t want any more.

4- Dye your hair a bright colour with semi permanent dye/chalk

Now for one that is a little braver and might not be for everyone. As someone with pink hair I can tell you that having colourful hair really is an adventure! Little children smile at you, old ladies ask how you did it and express there awe, even the not so great stares can be funny. It can be a great way to express yourself, even if it is only for a day. Play around with streaks, dip-dyes and fringes if you don’t fancy going the full way. Directions and Manic Panic make some great semi permanent colours or you could opt for something like a wash-in-wash-out chalk for all the colour with less commitment. Just have a look around on Amazon and you can find loads of great products pretty cheap.

5- Go for a walk with no destination in mind

Not as easy as you may think. Our brains are constantly trying to plan our next more and it can be hard to just go with the flow and act spontaneously. However if you pop on some music and let you mind drift whist taking in the scenery you should be able to just wander aimlessly and enjoy the experience. If you are going to do this I would recommend freeing up your schedule because nothing ruins a relaxing stroll like knowing you need to be back to babysit in 2 hours and you still need to shower.

6- Pick a random subject to research

Okay, I know that sounds a bit nerdy but trust me it can be fun! I love Wikipedia and although it’s not the most reliable source if you are trying to write an academic paper, it is pretty good if you just want to gain some base knowledge on a subject. Just rummage around in your brain and find something you would love to know more about, I’m sure there’s something in there even if you have to dig deep. Just in case here’s a few ideas- Medieval Architecture, Farming, The Milky Way, Bras and Pizza. Totally random, just work with it. 3…2…1… GO!

7- Read a book recommend to you  

Ask one of your friends what their favourite book is then go out and read it, no questions asked. Even if you hate the author, don’t like the genre or think it is to long, just do it. Sure maybe you won’t like it but maybe you will! Pop into a second hand book store to find it or look online for an ebook or even borrow it from the friend, it needn’t be expensive. Also reading something recommended by a friend often gives you insight into the person who recommended it. It will also give the two of you something fun to discuss over coffee.

8- Go to watch a random movie at the cinema

Just go to the cinema, glance through the movies and pick one that’s on soon, get some popcorn, sit back and relax. Like most of the things on this list this may be a great idea or a terrible one but that’s why it’s an adventure, you just don’t know how it’s gonna go. The fun is in not knowing. I did this the other day and watched “Absolutely Anything” and it was amazing, so glad I did it. To make this even more of an adventure go alone, make it a bit of a radical self love date, treat yo self!

I could go on and on and on- learn a new craft, go to a new cafe, learn a new language, go on a spontaneous weekend away, compliment people in the supermarket. Moving outside of your comfort zone is an adventure and it really makes life much more fun!

Let me know if you try any of these things or any other adventures, I really would love to hear about them. And of course remember- adventure is out there!

Toodles.

Things I Love Thursday

❤ Sunny days off where I can wear all the rainbow colours and blend in with nature.

❤ Date days with Oli 🙂 we spent some time wandering around the blustery beaches of Falmouth.

❤ Going to the Pub quiz at The Lounge with my friends on a Sunday. Both times we have been we have come 2nd which I think is pretty good. There’s loads of random old portraits everywhere and we always sit under this huge painting with Stalin in which always makes us giggle.

❤ Throwback Thursday- looking back at old photos (this one is almost 5 years ago) and seeing how far I have come. I do love this photo although young Emma did make some interesting fashion choices.

❤ The yellow balloons.

❤ Kitty snuggles. I had some quality time with Campus Cat on my way home from work the other day. So cute, I mean look at that totally blissed out face. This is one super loved kitty who gets a lot of love.

❤ Having lunch and a catch up with Sarah. She made me yummy food and I finally watched The Hunger Games which was cool.

❤ Soooooooooo many sweet potato fries from just one potato!

❤ Now seems as gooder time as any to announce this- I have gone vegan and it feels so good! It’s something I have been thinking about for quite some time now, I mean I’ve been a veggie for 7 years now. Now just felt like the right time to take the leap, it felt natural and right. So yay! I will be posting more about my journey including some recipes and reviews of random foods I try but don’t worry, it won’t change the nature of the blog- it just might be a bit yummier!

Toodles.

An Update

You may have noticed that I have been a little bit quiet lately and I’m here to tell you why. After all of my shenanigans in all corners of the UK over the past few weeks I came home not to relax but to start my new job. It’s only a part time summer cleaning job but boy is it tiring! After being out of the employment game for a while my body and mind needs a little adjustment period. Currently after a day at work all I want to do is sleep, or maybe see my friends if I have plans but then sleep for sure. I’m working on getting my sleeping habits better so I am not so tired and will have the time and energy to get back to writing regular posts. I am half way through writing my Download review so hopefully I can finish that this week and I need to get back on the Things I Love Thursday bandwagon so that should be coming. I will get this organised and I will back to my blogging self soon enough.

Toodles.

Things I Love Thursday

❤ Going to Download festival with my boo. It was my (super early) birthday present from him and boy was it amazing! We had an awesome weekend and saw some total legends including Slash, Motley Crue and Kiss! There will be a whole post about the festival soon so keep an eye on the blog. I can’t thank Oli enough for such an awesome weekend.

❤ My dad for driving us up to Download in the end, it made a massive difference to the whole weekend.

❤ Krispy Kreme doughnuts, enough said.

❤ The super cute girl at the milkshake and smoothie place at the Download village. she always had such a cheerful disposition.

❤ The man in the corner shop who told me I looked “brighter than the flowers in my garden”.

❤ The women in Newlook who was so kind when I asked for advice on a dress.

❤ My freaking amazing custom Crown and Glory candy shop crown/hairband. It’s so pretty and perfect and just yummy! I never want to take it off.

❤ Having a nice, long, warm shower after coming back from Download then slipping into a lovely clean bed.

❤ Sitting on the patio, enjoying the evening air in our newly acquired camping chairs.

❤ Catching up with Sarah over a few toffee-apple Brothers ciders.

❤ Getting disposable cameras developed, I need to do this more often or actually start using my Diana mini.

Toodles.

Things I love Friday- Getting Back On Track

Oooops, it’s Friday again and I still haven’t done my gratitude list! I have my reasons though, mainly a mixture of seeing friends and flipping deadlines. Anyway, here I am so here we go.

❤ Hanging out with my friends from home. It’s so sad that they are all slowly trickling back to uni not but I know they will be back soon enough.

❤ On a similar thread; seeing my friends from uni again. It’s weird how you become so close to people at uni so quickly then they suddenly disappear for a month.

❤ Sharing my New Year Promises with the world. Now they are out there and not just in my head they feel real and doable.

❤ The masses of rainbow things I lug around with me on a daily basis.

❤ The woman who was rapping in the toilets at spoons the other day! She was pretty good!

❤ Getting into a good skincare routine again, my skin is already reaping the benefits.

❤ Getting some sun the other day. It was still pretty darn cold but the sunshine really cheered me up.

❤ Finishing my creative writing assignment, woo! I still need to edit it but I super happy with how it has developed. I might share it with you once it has been marked.

❤ Mine and Oli’s new tradition of fist bumping each other at just gone midnight to congratulate each other for getting through another day. We’ve done it every day this year so far and intend to keep it up. It’s a really nice little positive ritual.

❤ Getting my hands on the first issue of Rock N Roll Bride!!! Kat has done an amazing job, it is absolutely beautiful and I cannot wait to read it properly. I mean I’m not even engaged I just love looking at all the amazing weddings and taking inspiration. (Also how “instagram” is this photo I took?!)

❤ Buying awesome random crap in the Janurary sales. Yesterday I picked up a big ampersand model in tribute to the Amanda Palmer song “Ampersand”. How odd and cool is that?

❤ Feeling super positive about the year ahead.

❤ This roasted veg and humus sandwich from Shed yesterday. It was so freaking delicious. I even ate the side salad which is unheard of for me.

❤ Smoothies, I need to make more because I have been craving them so much lately. So far I’ve had two this week.

❤ Wearing new clothes, it always feels really nice and fresh.

So that’s been my week. Hopefully I will pull myself together and actually post this on Thursday next week, with a few before then of course. Until then I bid you farewell.

Toodles.

Falmouth Gets Festive

Want to know what I was up to last Thursday? Well conventionally my sister vlogged our trip to town to see the Christmas lights switch on!

The lights really do look lovely, I might make it out into town some time next week and take some photos to share with you. If you enjoyed Jenny’s video then please give it a thumbs up and subscribe to her channel, she makes some great videos and sometimes I feature making them even better!

Toodles.