On Anxiety

So apparently it is mental health awareness day today, or so Facebook tells me. As you all know I suffer from anxiety and depression and it still sucks major ass. Lately I’ve kinda got a bit more of a grip on life thanks to a mixture of support, better organisation, medication and just life situations being a bit better. But I still struggle and in a way it’s even harder to deal with when it hits because when you’re feeling shit everyday it becomes routine but when you have been doing well and it just (often) comes out of nowhere it’s got that extra shock value. You feel like giving up. You feel like all that hard work was for nothing because the crap never goes away. But anyway, I digress. I’m writing this post because I feel like there are some things I would like to explain about my anxiety because I know they might not be obvious to other people. This is probably going to be pretty badly written and kinda rambley but I felt like I needed to get this out. I’m pretty sure that this post in incredibly cliche and a million people on the internet have already said the same things but damn it, it’s important to me so I’m gonna write about it!

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  • Trust me- I know it’s annoying when I cancel on you. It annoys me too and I hate having to cancel on people and it often makes my anxiety worse for a while, sometimes even sending me into a panic attack. When I cancel on people I often feel like they then hate me. I worry that you think I’m just making excuses when I say I’m having a bad mental health day. But sometimes I literally can’t leave my house, my room or even my bed. I would love to be out having fun with you but I sometimes can’t. Which leads me on to my next point…
  • Please don’t exclude me from plans. I know it’s frustrating when I cancel on you a lot but even if you think I’m not going to come please still invite me to events. That inclusion helps ease the fears that people don’t like hanging out with me and are mad at me for cancelling on them. It’s nice to feel like someone is thinking about you.
  • I can’t just “not worry” about it. Worrying is what I do. Even the smallest little worry can easily blow up into a massive worry. Telling me not to worry about something often adds to the worry and sends me spiralling into an introspective state where I start worrying about my inability to stop worrying about the thing I was originally worrying about.
  • I’m sorry I say Sorry a lot. Another thing that my anxiety causes me to do that I know is annoying and I wish I could stop. If I do something that I think is wrong or has upset you I will worry about it for ages, even if it’s a tiny thing and I will say sorry way more that you think is necessary. There’s a good chance I will message you later in the day to say sorry again. I know it’s annoying, sorry!
  • Yep- I am a confident person with anxiety. I’m pretty sure most people who know me would describe me as confident, outgoing even. I mean I’m fairly loud both literally and in how I present myself physically. But surprisingly confidence and anxiety can coexist in a person. I know, it’s confusing for me too. It’s a super frustrating experience for me. When I’m in a bad patch of anxiety, especially if it’s to do with some sort of social event, I often get very self critical, thinking back over all the parties I’ve attended recently or speeches I’ve given or new friends I’ve made. And it’s super frustrating- it’s like there’s two of me- the confident me and the anxious me. The fight and it sucks and I can’t really explain it but it’s so shitty to have to live with!

And breathe. That was pretty intense to write and I’m sorry if it makes absolutely no sense. There are so many more points I could raise but I’m gonna stop now because ironically writing this is making me very anxious. Just remember- you can never tell what a person is going through. Be compassionate.

Toodles.

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Rad In August

Holy fuck it’s September already! Having said that I feel like August lasted forever which has got to be a good thing cause I had a lot of fun this past month. I liked it so much that I’m gonna bring back my monthly favourite list! This is gonna be things I’ve been loving including shows, music, articles, random crap, just anything really. Hell let’s just be honest here, I’m totally making this up as I go along. Sorry if this post doesn’t read amazingly, I’m having a 90’s dance party while writing and my mind tends to wander when I listen to music.

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Bullet Journaling

Bullet journaling has been something I’ve been aware of for a while now but for some reason in August I decided to take the plunge and start my own. I started with the basic model ideas from the Bullet Journal site then got creative from there. It’s really helped me organise my life and goals. Because it’s all in a plain notebook and you organise it as you go it means it’s super flexible allowing for anything to be added. I might write a whole post about my experiences with bullet journaling in a few months when I’ve had a bit more time to refine my personal style.

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Typography Apps

My two favourites are Font Candy and Typorama. Both are free to download and use but you can pay a few quid to get access to more fonts and other fun things. It’s just such a fun way to spruce up your instagram photos. The 4 above examples are all my own photos edited in the app to create awesome images.

This strawberry baked oatmeal recipe.

I made it once and it was so yummy and filling. I think it will be great for when I go back to uni. I can make some up on Sunday night then just grab a slice before a leave for the bus throughout the week.

Youtube

I have been so in love with 3 youtubers in the month of August. Deligracy  is an awesome Sim’s gamer who mostly posts house builds and lets plays of The Sims 4. I just finished binge watching her 6o part “Twins” let’s play. So much drama and story development! I got so invested in the characters and the storyline, that girl has talent! Annie Elainey  is so open and honest and I just love watching her videos. She vlogs about her life, chronic illness, social justice, movies, hair and much much more. Annie has also inspired me to start adding captions to all my videos to make them more accessible. Stef Sanjati is a Toronto based makeup artist who has bags and bags of personality and style. She posts makeup tutorials and challenges along with regular Q&As and updates on her personal experiences transitioning. Stef has such an infectious personality and her smile just makes me melt!

Music

This 90s Party Playist is my jam right now. I am raving to it right now and keep getting distracted by the tunes. This feel good playlist my Mum put together. Clearly this playlist shows where I get my fabulous music taste from. This playlist is the perfect mix of modern hits and classics creating a perfect happy summer vibe. I am also really digging the Suicide Squad soundtrack album, so many great songs in a neat package. If I have this playing through my headphones while I walk somewhere I instantly feel like a total badass and start subconsciously strutting my stuff.

This interview with Laverne Cox about the Rocky Horror remake

As a die-hard fan of the original I was somewhat sceptical about the modern remake but this has put all my fears to rest and I now can’t wait to watch it!

Yaaaasss! Destroying the mentality of being “not like other girls”

This post just gives me life. Being a girl isn’t a competition. We need to stand by our sisters and support each other.

And finally these two totally unrelated videos that just make me smile so much

 

 

And that’s that! I hope you all enjoy my recommendations, let me know in the comments.

Toodles!

Things I Love Thursday

My weekly dose of gratitude, because it’s always important to take some time to reflect on the things you are grateful for in life be they big or small.

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❤ Having big salads for lunch in my massive heart shaped bowls. This one was baby gem lettuce, tomatoes, yellow pepper, pickles, mashed avocado drizzled with lemon juice.

❤ Shopping at Lidl. So much fab food at such great prices. I got like a monthly big shop for 2 including some fresh produce for like £30! Dude!

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❤ My new blue hair! It just felt like time for a change. I had had pink hair for 5 years and felt like shaking things up a bit. I’m embracing my mermaid vibes fully. Plus now I can cosplay as Chloe from Life Is Strange and that’s awesome.

❤ Boots in Truro having a NYX counter! So happy! I’m going to have to go on a wee NYX shoppig spree at some point.

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❤ The weather being good enough to have beach days. Me and Jen went to the beach on Tuesday and had a great time. I even went swimming in the sea for the first time in years. Clearly the mermaid inspired hair is affecting me!

❤ Pokemon Go. I know everyone is obsessed with this and I am no different. I love wandering around the town the know so well and seeing Pokemon pop up before my eyes. Me and my friend Beth went on a great Pokemon catching adventure today and it was so nice to see other people out in the sun playing the game too.

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❤ My day trip to Truro with Shannon yesterday. We had a great time browsing the shops and had a freaking delicious lunch at Archie Browns.

❤ Being experimental with cooking again. As I type this I am waiting for some sweet potato to cool to I can make sweet potato and kidney bean burgers for tea. Om nom nom.

❤ This!!! My inner emo is screaming with excitement!

Toodles.

My Veganniversary and My Top 5 Tips For New Vegans

Yesterday, the 10th of July 2016, marked one year of me being vegan. I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown. Eating vegan and buying cruelty free products has become second nature to me. It’s just so much easier than I ever thought it could be. It’s also honestly one of the best decisions I have ever made. I feel so much better physically and spiritually since cutting all of that crap out of my life. Not to mention the fact that I am helping save the animals and protect the environment in the process. Don’t ever think that one person can’t make a difference because that is far from the truth. So many of my friends have approached me and asked for tips on how to go vegan or simply how to eat a more plant based diet, a few of those people have now taken the leap into full veganism. So if that doesn’t prove that one person can make a difference then I don’t know what does.

I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to share my tips and advice for going and staying vegan. This is by no means an exhaustive list but hey, it’s a start!

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1- The Internet is your best friend

This seems like a pretty obvious point to make but the internet has helped me so much with ideas and support. Joining Facebook groups has been a big help. What Fat Vegans Eat is great for foodie inspiration and Glo Vegan Hangout is such a friendly group to ask questions and share things. Youtube is another great source of foodie inspiration and support. Some of my favourite vegan channels are Cheap Lazy Vegan, The Vegan Corner and Supreme Banana. Blogs of course are also a great place to go for recipe ideas Oh She Glows is always a great go to, I also love The Vegan Stoner and a new favourite of mine is Jenny Mustard, a blog with yummy recipes and minimalist living if your into that sort of thing. The Vegan Womble is a great site to find out what products are vegan in various shops and Barnivore is an amazing search tool to find out what alcoholic beverages are vegan. And finally I will mention Happy Cow which is a website and app that tells you where the nearest vegan and vegetarian cafes are, super helpful especially if you are travelling.

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2- Adapt your favourite recipes and meals

You don’t have to give up all the things you love. Pretty much anything can be veganised. pizza, spaghetti bolognaise, cottage pie, cheesecake, macaroni cheese and even meringues! Either invest in a good vegan cookbook or search the internet, it’s literally all possible! Pro tip- if you want a nice simple recipe always remember to search “simple” or “easy” along with what you are searching for.

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3- Find ready made alternatives

If you are super worried about giving up things like chicken nuggets, beef burgers, sausages, fish fingers etc then don’t worry! Fake meat products have come a long way in recent years and taste pretty damn close to the real thing just without the cruelty! These sorts or products are pretty widely available with lots of supermarkets even having their own brand versions, just make sure to check the ingredients for any sneaky egg or milk, yuck! Holland and Barrett is also a godsend for fake meat products. The same applies to cheese but I’ve written a whole post about that so I will link that for you here. These products can work out a little pricey and aren’t always the healthiest but they are great for when you are transitioning or for an occasional treat.

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4- Make use of your freezer 

You know I said the internet was your best friend? Well make way for another bestie in the form of your freezer! Making sure you always have some frozen mixed veg on hand is so helpful. It’s cheap, healthy and just as fresh as the… well… fresh stuff! Just chuck it into chillies, stews, pies or just boil or steam some up as a side dish. It’s a great stand by for when you don’t have anything fresh in the house. The same applies to frozen fruit, it’s perfect in smoothies, with cereals or over porridge and rice pudding. Freezing your own fruit and veggies is also something I do alot. Sometimes you just don’t use something up before it’s about to go off so just chop it up, stick it in a freezer bag and throw it in to freeze. This is also the ideal thing to do when your favourite fruits and veggies are on offer or if you get stuff when it’s reduced at the end of the day. Saving you money and time. Making big batches of things and freezing them is a well know time saver for busy people and of course this extends to busy vegan people. Make a big chilli or sauce or whatever and freeze it for later. Quick, simple, healthy, cheap and vegan what more could you want?

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5- Transition products over slowly

Cosmetics, lotions, clothes, toothpaste, washing up liquid- these things amongst others can sadly not be vegan. A quick google search on a product or brand should tell you if it’s vegan and cruelty free. If you own products that are not vegan then don’t panic! You don’t need to up and throw away everything you own. Transition slowly and in a way that works for you. Use up any cosmetics and household products that you have that may not be vegan then just replace them with vegan versions when they are finished. If you can afford to donate your leather shoes to a charity shop and buy yourself some new faux leather shoes then do so but if you can’t afford to then continue wearing them until they wear out or you an afford to replace them. The same applies to any wool or silk items you may own.

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Always remember that veganism isn’t about perfection- it’s about trying your best. The Vegan Society defines veganism as being “a way of living which seeks to exclude, as far as is possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of, and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing or any other purpose.” 

I’m working on a sort of vegan master post full of my favourite vegan brands, products, food, places etc. I’m not sure whether that’s going to be one massive post or a series or what yet so please let me know what you think in the comments. Also let me know if this list was helpful to you and feel free to share any of your own tips.

Toodles.

Time To Get My Shit Together

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Time for yet more honesty and opening up from this chick. Things are still pretty tough right now. I’m still struggling with uni, social situations are still tricky and there are still days where I can’t even get out of bed. But I can see improvements. I’m only having to apply for an extended deadline for one essay. I just got a first on a presentation in class. I’ve been out with friends a lot more. I just went away for the weekend to Bristol for a meetup. I am trying and it is working. I’m an impatient person and I wanted things to be better just like that but the realist in me knows that’s not how things work. There’s no magic wand that can fix my mental health. But there is medication, therapy, friends, family, eating well, positive thoughts and actions. I might never be free of this but a mixture of those things sure will help.

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It’s coming up to summer break now and I want to work on making more positive life changes so that third year will be the best yet. I’m a typical Virgo so I love making lists so here’s a list of things I want to do over the summer that I think will vastly improve my state of mind:

❤ Read at least 3 books– I have been having massive problems with concentration lately and I used to be such a book worm so I think working on getting back into reading will really help this.

❤ Have the house tidy AF– My part of the house is embarrassingly messy. I put this down to my depression and my general messy habits. But enough is enough. I am fed up of this and I am going to make this place organised and spotless!

❤ Sort out my clothes– My style has taken a bit of a U-turn lately and I have brought a lot of clothes to go with that… most of which are living in a suitcase cause my wardrobe is full. I need to let go of things that don’t fit and things that don’t make me feel fabulous as hell.

❤ Get back into blogging– Hey I’m making a good start on this already! I’m not going to set myself any massive goals but if I’m blogging at least once a week I will be happy. I have a whole list of things I want to write about so hopefully that will keep me going.

❤ Sort out my sleeping pattern– because going to bed at 3am every night really fucks with my head.

❤ Practice my spirituality more– I have a new, beautiful pack of oracle cards I brought over a month ago that I still haven’t touched. I need to get back in touch with the earth and my soul.

❤ Stop biting my nails– I did achieve this goal for a while, then things got stressful again. I want to get to a point where my nails are so nice I wouldn’t even dream of ruining them.

 

So there we go. This summer I’m gonna get my shit together. I’m not saying I’m going to be all better and hunky dory but I am determined to get myself in a better head space than the one I’m in now.

Thank you for bearing with me!

Toodles!

 

Things I Love Thursday

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❤ Lush bath bombs

❤ Sunshine finally starting in England again

❤ Salads full of yummy colourful things

❤ The perfect oversized denim jacket I found in a charity shop

❤ My growing pin collection on my denim jacket

❤ Good post days

❤ Actually starting to feel better finally

❤ The Life Is Strange soundtrack

❤ Basil tofu

❤ Black salt

❤ Oli just being a general babe and looking after me

❤ Train journeys

❤ Soy chai lattes

Toodles!

Things I Love Thursday

Guess who’s back to the gratitude lists? Oh yes, that would be me. I haven’t been very good a writing these lately and this might actually be the first one of the year. But, I am back and ready to be grateful for the amazing things in my life because I know how much it improves my outlook.

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❤ My amazing new “Purrmaid” bedding from George at ASDA. I saw it online and was hoping I could find it in store and I luckily did. It was only £12 for a double set as well which I think is amazing. Its got a cute shell print on the other side which is a nice touch. It also matches my Bei Badgirl merkitty tattoos.

❤ My amazing friends and readers for being so supportive after I posted my post about my mental health struggles. Thank you so much everyone, it really means the world to me that you are all there for me, thinking of me and relating. I hope anyone out there struggling with similar difficulties knows they are not alone and we can fight through this.

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❤ The first hints of spring in the air. Spring is my favourite season and it is finally starting to peak through the clouds here in England. We have had a few weeks of flooding and ridiculously strong winds to it’s nice to see some hope in the weather. Flowers are starting to bloom and all the plants are looking leafier- yay!

❤ Veganaise!!! Veganaise it by far the best vegan mayo I have tasted yet. It’s so rich and creamy and thick. I cannot believe there’s no eggs in it. Seriously, even if you’re not vegan give this mayo a taste, you will be amazed. I purchased mine at Ethica in Plymouth. Yay for mayo without the cruelty.

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❤ Banana nice cream- basically blended frozen bananas. Somehow when you blend up chunks of frozen banana until smooth it creates this amazing soft serve icecream consistency. It’s so tasty and you can blend in things like peppermint extract, cocoa powder or cinnamon to give it some extra flavour. This was plain banana topped with chopped up date, Jordans strawberry cereal, flax seed, Graze cherries and berries and some Choc Shot. Om nom nom.

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❤ Finally treating myself to some Jeffree Star liquid lipsticks. In the photo I am wearing Prom Night but I also got I’m royalty which is an awesome purple that makes me feel like a Disney villain! These lipsticks are amazing, they go on so smoothly, dry quickly and last all day through eating, drinking and talking. And it’s not drying on the lips, what more could you ask for? I got mine from Cocktail Cosmetics for £14, they are so worth the price and arrived really quickly.

❤ My numerology reading with Momoko today. It was an amazing experience, I gained so much insight about my inner self and where I need to be heading in life. It gave me loads to think about and work on, I nearly ran out a pen taking notes! I feel like a whole new world of seeing has been opened up for me. I might write a longer post about this experience when I get my notes together. For now I will just totally recommend having a numerology reading to anyone.

That’s all for now folks, I’m gonna try to keep on top of this to lift my mood and keep on the path to positivity.

Toodles.

Tis The Season To Be Rocking!

Hello people!  I have been trying to get into the festive spirit lately and I suddenly remembered about a playlist I made last year. I created an awesome playlist of alternative Christmas songs, mainly rock inspired jams. So I thought I would share that awesome list with you guys. The Youtube list is a bit better as it has more songs on however I did make a Spotify version too. I hope you enjoy rocking out to some Christmas jams!

 

Happy holidays to my lovely readers!

Toodles.

Things I Love Thursday

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❤ Quality time with my Nana. We went to Truro last Friday and had so much fun. We did some shoe shopping, bought some Christmas presents and had lunch at Archie Browns. It was such a nice day. I think it’s so important to make time to chill with your loved ones. Planning on doing it again some time before Christmas, woo!

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❤ This beautiful rainbow of a salad from Swanpool Beach Cafe. It’s Moroccan style quinoa  with mixed leaves, humus and loads of yummy roasted seeds. It was one of the best salads ever, I’m so glad I gave quinoa another chance. Me and Oli had a really nice lunch at the beach. I love going to the beach in winter because you can watch all the happy dogs bounding around the sand and splashing in the sea.

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❤ Winter. I really like winter. I’m not keen on the rain we get a lot here in England but there’s a lot of thing I love about winter. I love snuggling up in scarves and jumpers, lie ins in warm beds on cold mornings, that crisp chill in the air, Christmas drinks at coffee shops, Christmas light switch ons, present buying trips. I could go on for ages!

Not a long list today but I am happy and grateful and that’s what matters. I’m inviting you all, once again, to comment 3 things you are grateful for this week in the comments section.

Toodles.

Things I Love Thursday

Hello everyone! I am feeling so super positive and amazing today! Don’t you just love it when you have days like that where everything is just so chill and falls into place and you just feel at peace. Anyway, I am going to do today’s gratitude list a little bit differently. I just finished watching Gala Darling on Periscope and she shared 5 specific things that she is grateful for today with us then asked us to comment our 5 things back. She read two of mine out which felt pretty rad. So I’m going to list my 5 things below then it would be a super way to spread some gratitude and positivity if you could all post 5 things you are grateful for in the comment section below. Try to be as specific as possible. Also you should totally check out Gala on Periscope, her chats are always so inspiring and magical. Right, on with the gratitude;

1- My new glittery red nail polish from Barry M. It’s limited edition and sadly I can’t find it online but I managed to get mine in a Superdrug in Camden so they are out there. It’s a beautiful shiny gelly polish with great coverage. It has small, subtle glitter pigments so goes on really smoothly and lasts really well. It makes me feel really sophisticated but fun at the same time. I love it!

2- Once again the new Pagan Society at my uni which I am the secretary for. We had our first event the other night which I sadly couldn’t attend but I hear it went well. We have 76 followers on the Facebook page so not that long until we hit 100! Gala thought this was really cool and progressive which made me smile.

3- Home made humus. Since getting my Nutribullet for my birthday I have been making this a lot. It makes such lovely smooth humus in seconds. I love making my own because it means I can make it super garlicy. It’s also cheaper than buying it and as I almost always have the ingredients in the house it means I can have it whenever I desire.

4- Planning my gluten free, vegan brownies for tomorrows charity vegan potluck I am attending in Truro. I’ve never baked anything gluten free before so I hope it comes out okay! I just wanted to be as inclusive as possibly so when I saw that quite a few people coming are intolerant to gluten I jumped on the opportunity to try something new. I’m quite nervous about going as I don’t really know anyone but it should be fun plus I’m going to get to try so much yummy food!

5- Having freshly dyed pink hair. Although it’s been over a week now it still makes me so happy when I look in the mirror and see a mass of vibrant locks. I’m super lazy so only do my pink dye once every 2-3 months and only bleach my roots every 6 months so when I do both it’s so awesome. I feel renewed and energised. Hot, bright pink is for sure my power colour.

Right, that’s my 5 now get commenting! I want to hear about all the awesome things both big and small that have been going on in your lives this week.

Toodles.